Creating meaningful connections starts with embracing authenticity, resilience, and the transformative power of diversity and inclusion. Host Darrin Tulley chats with Nicole Hughey, an award-winning leader in diversity, equity, and inclusion, about how aligning passion and purpose creates lasting impact. Nicole shares personal reflections, professional insights, and actionable ways to inspire joy and foster inclusivity in every aspect of life. Dive into this compelling conversation to explore what it truly means to live your possible.
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Just Being Good People Fosters Joy And Inclusivity With Nicole Hughey
I’m excited to share that Nicole Hughey is our guest on the show. She’s an award-winning executive leader specializing in diversity, equity, and inclusion, social impact, strategic planning and execution, organizational effectiveness, and cross-cultural communication experts. In her career, Nicole has been a trusted leader and advocate for all. She has established and operationalized diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies across multiple industries, including insurance, healthcare, and media entertainment.
We met at an allyship conference over the summer at NYU where we both spoke from our hearts and how to show up for others. This theme continues on this show. Nicole speaks from a place of gratitude and self-reflection about how she wants to be in 2025. A space where she is open to what is available and present, evoking joy through her way of being and being there for others. She’s living out this boomerang experience where she puts good things out into the world and embraces its return in kind. Join this space and begin to notice all the possibilities in front of you and contribute to this boomerang effect to help you live your best possible. Enjoy the show.
Nicole, welcome to the show. It’s so nice to see you. How are you?
Starting The Day With Possibility And Excitement
I’m doing great. I can’t complain. I won’t complain. It does no good, and so I am ready to start this day from a place of possibility and a place of excitement, particularly as we go into this holiday season. I’m feeling good.
It is the holiday season and it’s cold.
I’m sitting here trying to manage the coldness that I have, trying to wrap myself in warm thoughts so that I don’t shiver as we sit in these cold temperatures.
I’m sure you are going to bring a lot of warmth. I look forward to the chat. I’m curious, what’s on the top of your mind? What are you bringing into our conversation?
I will start with possibilities. I had a wonderful 2024, a trying 2024, an opportunity to reflect, to reset, to think about my life and where I wanted to go. I’m thinking about how I end 2024 and how I move into 2025 from a place of resilience, peace, and calm, and from a place of knowing the value that I bring to life. Whether it’s for my family or my next opportunity, I am ready to move from a place of joy. That’s what I’m thinking about and all the wonderfulness and all of the challenges that come with it. I want to move forward with joy.
When you think about joy, what does that look like? What does that mean to you?
What Brings Joy To Life At Work And Home
That’s an interesting question, and I think about it all the time. I think about it from a place of what I bring to the world, and so for me, joy means making other people happy. I have always been somewhat of a pleaser. Not a pleaser where I’m sappy but a pleaser where I want people around me to have the best that they can have. I want me to have the best that I can have. I want to please others, and I want to please myself.
When I think about joy, I will break it down in two different ways. Joy when it comes to work is about creating spaces where people can be their authentic selves and doing that where people feel like they can show up to work and be valued, where they can show up to work to have their thoughts and their opinions listened to, where they can show up to work and be different and it’s okay, where they can show up to work and be happy to be there because they know what they bring, what they give is helping the success of the organization.
That piece of it brings me joy, but I can’t stop there, and I won’t because it’s not fair to all of my loved ones and all of my friends. I think about joy for my family as well, and what brings them joy is how I show up for them every single day, and what I can bring to their lives to make it better. It’s funny, I have been doing a lot of traveling in this downtime. I have been to New York a couple of different times.
Lessons From The Wiz And Connecting With Family
I went to see this play called The Wiz. It was an adaptation of The Wizard of Oz. It is a Black cultural phenomenon. It came out in the ‘70s. I went to see this play with my mother and my daughter, and it was like girls’ time. It’s funny because it’s one of my favorite movies of all time and one of my favorite plays, but it represents what I think about when it comes to my family.
You know The Wizard of Oz, and you know their characters. They all have these shortcomings, they think, until they go see the Oz, and then the Oz says, “You already had everything you needed.” I think about what I do to help my family have everything they need and I started to think about this as I was taking the train ride home and equating my family with these characters.
It was this great a-ha moment where I said, “We could be this play. We could be The Wiz.” Think about how each of us has shown up and how we have looked to be happy in everything that we have done. I think about my husband. We have been in each other’s lives, through ups and downs, wanting to see each other succeed. I think about his journey in life wanting to be an artist. He’s been a DJ since he was about twelve years old, and he’s wanted to be an artist, showing his artistry not only in being a DJ but in being the artist and creating music.
I think about him from the aspect of if I had to give him a character, the lion not thinking he had the courage to do what he needed to do to be an artist. In this artist industry, age sometimes becomes a limiting factor. He wasn’t sure if he could do it if he had the courage to step out on faith and do the things that he wanted to do. I am so happy to say that he has the courage. He did it, and I was there along for the journey, there to help cheer him on and say, “You can do this. You might say,” I won’t share his age, “but you look 30. You have the energy of a 30-year-old.” Who cares about age? Do what you’ve got to do.
I think about him as it relates to being the lion. When I think about my son, I think about his heart and his feeling like he hasn’t had the heart he needed. He is a basketball player. We have been playing basketball since he was six years old. I often tell him, you owe me $5 million in fees because we have spent so much money on basketball. That’s all he’s wanted to do, play basketball. He did in high school. In his senior year of high school, he had an ACL tear. He’s had three ACL tears since his career began. He had a foot injury, and he was feeling pretty down, wondering what his life would be like without basketball.
Luckily for him, he went to college, played his last couple of years of college, and has now moved on. He’s getting his master’s and is a grad assistant coach for the basketball team. That heart that he didn’t think he had has held him down, giving him that extra drive to say, I can do this. I have been there along the journey for him around that.
I think about my daughter, I equate her to the scarecrow. She is a child of COVID. She finished her last year and a half of high school during COVID. We kept her home. We were like, “No, we are not doing this school thing. We are going to be safe in this house.” She had a good year, not the best couple of years of high school, but good years. She went to college, and her first year of college was some of the same. It was right in the middle of COVID. Her expectations and her experiences were not quite what she wanted them to be.
Despite all of that, she has excelled. She made the dean’s list three and a half years into her college career. Her ability to use her brain to go beyond her circumstances has been wonderful. She graduates in the spring. I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. We’ll see how that goes, but she wants to be an FBI agent. She’s been able to use her brain to overcome and think about what’s going to make her happy.
This sounds crazy, but I think I’m Dorothy. I have struggled with finding a home again. This whole opportunity that I have been faced with, having a job elimination. I have often struggled. “What am I going to do now? How am I going to take all of the skills, all of the passions that I have, and find a new place to give of myself to make an organization great?”
The thing that’s been so interesting is that a home can just be a building. Home can be a place, but for me, what I have discovered through all of the wonderful people who have come into my life, are people who have said, “You can do this.” People like you have said, “I see something in you. Let’s talk about it, and what can I do to help?”
I have discovered that home can be anywhere. It doesn’t have to be defined by a place. It can be wherever I set myself or wherever I can give of myself. I haven’t lost home. Home is going to be wherever I take it. All of those things and those characters gave me this a-ha like, “Everybody’s going to be fine. We are going to live our lives to the best of our ability. We are going to do the things that make us happy, and we are going to continue on our journey.” Those are the things that bring me joy, what I can do for work and, more importantly, what I can do for my family to keep us moving.
I love the elements of, “Which character am I right now?” We could all probably think about that in our respective families and where we come from. The thought there is that all of it is within ourselves. You talked about home, it’s wherever you are, and wherever you are looking to help bring out the best in other people and what they don’t see in themselves. You are giving them that gift, and that’s so fulfilling.
It is, but it takes some time to get to that place. We are always so defined by where we are working, the title that we have, the role that we have, and I will be transparent. I worked my butt off to get exactly to where I needed to be or where I was, and so to have that removed set me back some but I had to remember who I am, what I’m about, what’s important for me in order to move beyond that angry phase to a phase of possibility to say, “I’m not going to be defined by this and that. I’m going to do the defining.” While I inherently have always thought about manifesting and legacy, sometimes you get kicked in the butt and you have to regrind yourself, and that’s exactly where I was a couple of months ago. I realize now that I’m open to moving beyond my reality to my possibility, that I’m good to go, and that I’m going to be fine.
You see these setbacks as moving you to a different place, and you talked earlier about helping other people get into this space in different mindsets like creating this place where people could step in and think about what’s there, think about what’s possible. Maybe there are other setbacks you’ve gone through, that have gotten you to where you are. What\ do you think about that?
They are necessary as a part of the journey, but it takes some time to come to that realization. I didn’t see it coming. Let me take that back. I probably should have seen it coming, but I didn’t want to see it coming and that’s a part of how you balance your realities, particularly when you have two very different realities.
Finding Strength And Resilience In Life’s Challenges
Setbacks that you don’t see coming are more devastating at times because you are not prepared, and I wasn’t prepared for it, or I don’t think I was prepared for it but now, as I reflect, it was the thing that was needed for me at the time. I often think about journeys, your journey being your journey and your journey not matching or mirroring somebody else’s journey.
When you come to the realization that what’s for me is for me, then you become okay with the setbacks, with the challenges, because they make you better than where you were but again, it takes time. It does not come overnight. I’m telling you, there were days when I was like, “I need to go have several cups of something.” I won’t say what, but several cups of something to manage my thoughts about where I was.
It’s interesting because I listened to the radio, and I’m not sure if you are familiar with the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Steve Harvey is a famous comedian. This is why I love him, because he’s also very reflective, and of myself, as very reflective. I have to sit back, take it all in, think about what’s happening, and then figure out what the lesson is and he said something, to your point about him taking you back. He said something. I don’t think it was his quote directly. He was saying what somebody else said to him. I’m going to try not to mess it up. He said something around I’m going to find it because it’s important. It hit me like a ton.
He said, “Don’t downgrade your dreams to fit your reality. Upgrade your conviction to match your destiny. I was driving, and I pulled over so I could write that down because it hit me in a way that struck my heart heart. It struck my mind, and it put me in a place to think about my dreams, as I mentioned, what I worked hard for my reality, and then where I need to go I always talk about manifesting and manifesting my life and manifesting through my journey and that statement from him took me to a whole other place, and I said to myself, “The journey is the journey. What happened to me does not have to be my reality.”
Don't downgrade your dream to fit your reality. Upgrade your conviction to match your destiny. Share on XIt happens to other people, and that’s fine. I needed to deal with what happened to me, but that is only a part of the story, and the rest of my story has not been written. What do I do now to write the rest of this story knowing that I am inherently good? I always bring my authentic self to everything that I do. I’m transparent. I look for a win-win for everybody. I’m always of the disposition that there is a win-win here, and that’s one of the things that has made me successful in corporate I’m always looking for a win-win. That sometimes means I’ve got to give up something to get something, but I’m okay with that. It’s about a win-win for everybody. I always look for the good. I’m always trying to show up for others, and those are the things that have made me successful and those are the things that have brought goodness back to my life.
I think about this whole boomerang effect and I believe in boomerang. You throw something out, it comes back to you. I have been very grateful and very blessed that some great things have come back to me, even in the midst of a transition. The journey has not been written. The journey is a marathon, and it’s not a race. I need to sit back, put on my best sneakers, put on the nicest sweatsuit that I can find, get the hair done, have the face done, and be ready for this life, this journey that we call life.
It’s ongoing. I love all of that in the manifestation piece. People underestimate the power in that and putting thoughts out in the world, the boomerang effect, putting joy out, putting love out there, putting whatever it is that matters to each of us authentically to your point.
It’s the the authenticity that counts because people can see through people, and I use this all the time they can see you, but they can also see your heart when it shows authentically. I try to live my life being authentic in all of my relationships and with everybody that I come across because I believe there’s a power, like you said, in giving of yourself where others give to you.
For me, it’s never about being the loudest in the room, being the smartest in the room. It’s about being the most present in the room, and that, to me, has opened up a-ha moments for others. It has opened up a-ha moments for me. It’s about being present and being authentic. Those are the things that make your journey one that, for me, feels like it’s legacy building.
It's never about being the loudest in the room, being the smartest in the room. It's about being the most present in the room. Share on XEmbracing Authenticity And Building A Lasting Legacy
I’m always thinking about my legacy constantly. How do I show up in places, whether it’s a workplace, how do I show up in interactions, making them better than they were before I engaged or before I worked there? Legacy building has always been so critically important to me. I need to leave a mark. That mark may look different today than it did the other day or five years ago, but it’s about leaving places better because I was able to engage in a very authentic way.
Every time we chat, including now, you warm me up because you are so genuine. You are warming heart’s out here, and I love it. You put yourself out there, and it shows. You’ve been awarded for being the DEI leader in different companies for the last couple of years. You’ve put yourself out there.
I recall the Steve Harvey video. It’s called Jump.
I have it as part of my book because it picked me up when I was going through my awakening from and a setback. These setbacks make us reflect on who we are for real. What is my identity showing up as? Am I being the person I’m meant to be here? Am I impacting the lives that I want? We all want to do good in the world. We got to take that jump of faith, and how Steve Harvey gets into it is amazing. It was helpful for me to say, I’m worthy of this. I could do this. It was very helpful.
I know you are interviewing me, but I have some questions for you too as we are chatting. It’s around “I’m worthy.” How did you get to that point? What was your journey? I’m still writing that story for myself. We have times when we feel like we have done everything we are supposed to. We have times when we feel we have gotten the accolades one way or the other, and then something happens. You are like, “How do I get back to being worthy?” What was it for you? How did you get back to worthy?
Truly being who I am. Back to your point, because if I was trying to be someone else or I wasn’t being as honorable as I could be or should have been at different times, then that’s not me. I am more of a lover than a fighter. I will share love, and I lead with love now more than I ever did. I had to realize that I can have joy, and it’s not at the expense of other people.
It’s about helping people get to the place where they want to be and live their possible, see that they have a light in themselves, and help them enjoy that. That feeds me, that fuels me. It’s more about putting the love and the possibilities and the light out in the world so it is less focused on me. Yet I love feeling that feeling when people light up, and their eyes pop, and what’s happening is their light’s coming out like, “I could do this.”
Sometimes it seems counterintuitive, but for those of us who like to give to others, the fact that it helps us grow and develop is a wonderful thing. Seeing people do good, seeing people be authentic and get exactly, to your point, what they deserve, helps me and that’s the thing those of us that get comfort in seeing that, comfort in having people get those a-ha moments I love that. I love seeing a-ha moments like, “I didn’t think about that. Maybe that’s something I should do.” Those are my favorites, to see those a-ha moments because it’s growth, and in others’ growth, I grow too. It’s that boomerang. You give it, and it comes back. Maybe you should do something called Boomerang.
Let’s do that. You jumped into the a-ha moments. You shared a little bit. Are there other ones in your life that got you to this place of being that recognized DEI leader? You are a voice for many, you are caring, and making an impact on millions of people. Are there a-ha moments that got you to this place? What happened?
The a-ha was about the importance of living in my truth. Having a career where my passion and my skills were aligned. In that alignment, I was able to give all of who I am. That happened to me three companies ago when I raised my hand and got this opportunity to do DEI work, and I was filled from day one. I had gone to college, I got the business degree because the business degree would get me a good job. All those things I have always done exactly what I was supposed to do. I’m that person, the oldest of two, and so the responsibility of setting the path I have always been the go-to person for my family. The responsibility of giving good, sound advice was always there.
As I mentioned, I married my high school sweetheart, and so that was what I wanted to do. That wasn’t around being a good person. That was something that I wanted to do, but all of those things set me up in a space where I was supposed to do these things, and I did that. I had a good insurance job because that’s what I was supposed to do. Then, when this thing came to DEI, years ago I have been doing this work for years. I was like, “This sounds risky, but this sounds good.” I jumped into it, and I realized at that point that my skills and my passion were all aligned. I thought back to when I was a little girl we all played these games as kids and I was always the teacher.
“It didn’t matter. You all sit over there. I’m going to be a teacher.” I realized through this work, that I was able to teach not in a traditional way but teach people about how to show up and teach companies how to set up environments where people can show up. At the end of the day, companies put out products and services, but it does not matter if they don’t have people who are happy to be there, happy because they are able to be their authentic selves. None of that matters. Being in a position where I can help guide people and help guide companies towards creating this wonderfulness around people being themselves was my first big a-ha, and I have ridden that a-ha for years.
When I think back to my career and my journey, it happened to put me exactly where I needed to be at the time. It took me to a different industry, yet a third industry, and put me exactly where I needed to be in those moments. Even now, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be in transition, thinking about what’s good for me, and thinking about what’s good for my family because if I’m happy, then they are happy. Thinking about working for a company that has values aligned with mine, working for a company where their leadership says exactly what they mean and means exactly what they say, being in a situation where my life can unfold in a way that brings me comfort and a sense of peace, is exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I realized that I have had some small a-has and 1 or 2 big a-has, but the journey has been filled with a-has. That’s the beauty of it for me every single day, I have an opportunity to get an a-ha. One of the things that brought me unexplained joy was years ago when I was asked to be the commencement speaker for one of my alma maters, the University of Hartford. I was like, “You talking to me? You want me to be the commencement speaker for the undergraduate ceremony?” That was a full-circle moment for me. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that I would be a commencement speaker. That a-ha, for that particular moment, was, “I did the thing.”
Now I had an opportunity to speak to hundreds of graduating students and their families and share a little bit about my journey in hopes that they will learn as they start to embark on their journey. These little a-has or big a-has are what life is made up of. I always say, again, it’s a journey, and those are the things we should be looking for and be open to because we might not always see it coming, but it’s there. How do we tune in to those things and be open to the possibilities of things that will change the course of our lives and, hopefully, put us on a path of living where our ultimate skills, passion, and purpose are all aligned so that we can do the best work and be the best people we can?
Being open is a theme. Being able to be open-minded with curiosity, even to be able to say, “I want to take in more,” because it gets us to this broader space of possibilities that you are talking about. It’s beautiful.
More and more, but not someone else’s. I’m always careful not to try to mirror somebody else’s path but to be open to the more that’s for me. Like I always say, what’s for me is for me. I need to be okay with taking what’s for me and not trying to take what’s going on for somebody else.
What's for me is for me. Share on XWhen I also hear you go through this, “more” to some people is tiring. What I’m hearing you say is that it’s expansive and energizing.
It is, but there are times when it’s exhausting. Opening up and knowing that that’s a part of it too is what it needs to be. About a year and a half ago, when everything in the world of DEI started to come crashing down, everybody was questioning everything. Companies started to shift in their seats. The Supreme Court made a decision that not everybody was comfortable with. I started to think, “Oh my gosh, everything that I have worked for might start to come tumbling down.” I began to have all of this stuff spinning in my head about what I was going to do not knowing that less than a year later, I would be a part of that tumbling-down business. What was I going to do? It became exhausting.
DEI leaders, for all that we bring, have had to take on a lot of different roles and responsibilities in the last several years. We are strategists. We have to be HR utility players as we partner with all of our HR functions to look for biases in processes and procedures. We have had to be confidants for employees who years ago, when some of us had been working for a long time, knew that your personal life and your work life never came together. That’s not the case anymore.
Employees are bringing their whole selves to work, and they often need somebody to be a confidant. I have been a confidant for many employees. I’ve had to think about being a social justice warrior as the world around us started doing a different dance. It all became a lot, and those of us who do this work many of us have become containers for all of that. It was exhausting.
It was every day figuring out how to show up authentically, how to show up for others, even when our own experiences might have bumped up against the experiences of others. Being able to balance all that has been exhausting. A few years ago, I had my health scare where stress was starting to take its toll. I remember going into a conversation. I have a peer group of DEI leaders, and we were meeting every month. Many people shared the stress that was taking a toll on them around doing this work. I had been diagnosed with high blood pressure. It wasn’t extremely high, but high enough to be a concern, and I was like, “This cannot be my life. I’m too young, I’m too cute to be dealing with all of this high blood pressure business,” but it required me to take a seat and say, “It is time to reflect. It is time to figure out what you are going to do to manage not only the demands of work but also the demands that come from being a working mom and all the stuff that I do in the community to manage my health.”
That was the point in time where I said, “This has become overwhelming, and I’ve got to figure this out.” While I’m fortunate and blessed to know that I’m always thinking about joy and always thinking about how to get over things, there are real obstacles that get in the way. They stop us in our tracks and make us rethink how we are going to get back to the place where we are happy and whole from a health, mental, or whatever perspective you want it to be. How do you become whole amid things getting in your way?
I’m not silly enough to think that things won’t happen because they do. I believe things happen because they are supposed to happen, and they set you up, but they happen. What do you do to get over it? What do you do to get around it? What do you do to get under it so that you come out better on the other side? It’s a process and a journey, and we all, in our way, have to deal with things that are getting in our way.
Reflecting On The Current State Of Diversity And Inclusion
To build on the DEI front for a minute. I’m curious about your take on where we are and where we are going. What are your thoughts on this? I’m sure you’ve had a lot of reflection. You mentioned how this has evolved over the last fifteen years, let alone the last hundred. I’d love to get your perspective on where we go from here. From your perspective, what are you hearing? What are you choosing to do differently? I’d love to hear your perspective on this.
Where are we going? We are staying the course, but doing it in a very different way. The fact of the matter is that all of the benefits that DEI and I bring to the world are still the same benefits. Now, there are language challenges getting in the way. There are people getting in the way and trying to twist it to make it something that it is not, but the work is the work, and the work must continue.
For somebody who has been doing this work for over fifteen years, we know that it’s cyclical that things change, things get quiet, things get better, and they move in a different way but they still have to move. The argument for why DEI and I are important has not changed. It should be stronger than it has been because the world around us is shifting in ways that we haven’t seen before. The world is going to be different and we’ve got to figure out how to play in a different space, but the work is the work.
The need to make sure that people are getting rewarded for being who they are, and that they are getting hired into companies because of the diversity that they bring to do good work. The need to make sure that people feel included, that they feel like they belong and that there’s equity on the table is still important. The need to show up as a company in the world, in a space where people see you for who you are, is essential. That people understand that you are doing good things for the benefit of not only the company but also those companies that are for-profit, and for the community around them. That, by the way, is changing and changing and changing. The work is the same. How we talk about it may need to be different.
I have spent most of my career getting people to understand what diversity means, what inclusion means, and what equity means. In some ways, it saddens me that we have to let go of that, but I’m encouraged by the fact that we let go so that the work can continue. We cannot let language be a barrier. If folks want to get hung up on the terms, I will call it ABC. At the end of the day, the work has to get done, and the tenets for good DEI and I work are the same and we have to keep pushing in that manner. What we need is for companies to understand that DEI and I don’t sit with the leader. I always say that the point at which people think DEI and I in a company are alone because the leader is gone means we haven’t done a good job as DEI and I leaders integrating it into everything that we do.
That is where the real work is integration. That means getting leaders on board to do what they need to do to show up and be accountable for their actions. That means making sure that as products and services are created, they are created with the mind that we have a customer base that is more representative than we have ever seen. How do we make products and services that can connect with those people on the other end?
That means showing up as good corporate citizens. How do we show up in these communities and be authentic? People see through the BS, and so we have to be authentic. In some cases, authenticity may mean we don’t know what we are doing right now, but we are trying. That’s being authentic, and it’s amazing how people give us grace when we can show up and be authentic.
Authentic in saying we are trying to do better. We might not know exactly how to do that, but we are trying to do better and it has to be integrated into everything we do. We have to let go of language if it is a barrier. Let it go. Continue to do the work. I am not opposed to being stealthy. I’m not opposed to working and giving others the shine because it should be about what we all do, not what the DEI and leader are or are not doing. It has to be about both. We are staying the course despite people saying to me, “Don’t you think you need a new career? This DEI stuff might be.”
I’m like, “Could I? But do I want to?” I could but what brings me joy? What brings me happiness? Where’s my passion aligned? That’s in this work. Whatever we call it, it’s in the work, and so I am committed, as many of my peers are committed to doing this work. Now, we have to find a home to do it where it’s appreciated, where it’s valued, and where people see the true benefit from a people perspective, but also a corporate citizenship perspective. We’ve got to find those right homes and do the work in places where they want the work to be done.
What I feel like is a thread through you, which is how you spoke of joy, about how you’ve helped people thrive in life. That’s what you are doing. Call it what we want. That’s what we are doing. This is a thread of humankind. This is about how we are being welcoming and inviting to all of us to be able to achieve at our best levels what’s possible. Giving us the chance that there are opportunities that we could try to do. We could try to achieve it. We can take the steps towards whatever that might be, but getting that opportunity and showing people they have that light, that they have those skills, that they have this untapped potential. It’s all we are doing. That’s all you are doing.
It’s a good people connection, and so I often talk to leaders because folks get overwhelmed, and I appreciate the fact that a lot of leaders are also doing their work, and so they are working leaders, and often people survive and need to segment. “Now I’m going to work on performance management. Tomorrow I’m going to work on how to create the widget. On Friday, I’m going to be a DEI leader.”
They segment sometimes because it’s easier to put things in compartments, but I say DEI is about being a good leader, being good people, and being a good person, showing up, listening to others in a way that they want to be heard, and then figuring out what you can do to give them the best opportunity to, your point, live their possibility and that’s what the work is all about. Ultimately, there are tactics, there are tools, there are strategies, but when I get people to understand that it’s about connection, no matter what your differences are, it’s about the connection.
That’s when we start to break down barriers for folks and say, “It’s what you do every single day.” Like you said, most of us want to show up and be good people. How do we tap into that? This is what it means to be a good person, and how do we tap into that? Particularly for leaders who are demonstrating what it means. Folks are looking at leaders for evidence.
“Mr. or Mrs. Leader, what are you doing to show evidence?” Whether you are doing something intentionally or not, it is showing up. You might not like what they are saying about you, but they are saying something. Help me help you figure out how you show up in a way that’s authentic and that shows true connection and value for your employees.
We never can look at ourselves like someone else looks at us. We’ll never see directly what we look like, or how we are perceived. We could try, like everything you are saying, about identity through integrity and authenticity, with how we connect the dots of the words that we use. Is it backed up by our behaviors? Is it tied to something that’s for the greater good of purpose or values? Many companies I have worked with have values, or they have policies, or even they kind of lump DEI as a policy that we need to be compliant with rather than live these out loud as the way of working, the way of being because there’s a difference between doing something. We are not doing these programs. We are being better human beings, better leaders, using your words, creating that space where we could bring people in to thrive.
It’s the being. We often get caught up in the doing. When you lose your identity around where you work or your position, it requires you to think about who I am. Who do I want to be versus what do I do? That was a hard transition for me because I worked my butt off. I sought comfort in knowing that I had risen to different levels or I had done great things in other companies, but when I had to pull that back and say, “Who are you, Nicole?” Other people have told you who you are. You’ve shown up in these spaces, you’ve been there for others, but how do you say who you are? How do you live that every single day, no matter where you are, home, work, what company A, company B? How do you do that every single day?
That being is something that we don’t give enough credit to how to be versus how to do because I know we all can do something. You can teach somebody what to do. You can’t teach people how to be in the true sense of being your authentic self, and we hope that means being good, but that’s a whole different conversation. How do you teach people how to be authentic is where the real work is and where the sweet spot is, where they buy into how to be versus buying into, “Let me do that because it will mean that I’m doing something that will be rewarded.”
It’s a very different mindset. Very different mindsets and so that being, though, is a revelation that comes differently for different people. “I have worked hard enough, I’m at an age. I want to be.” How about that? I want to be who I was meant to be. I want to be the best mom, wife, sister, daughter, or best friend. I want to be the employee that helps other people be who they want to be. That’s so important but it takes time to get there, and I want to be. Can I be Darrin?
I want you to be you. Back to your point about manifestation, that’s who we become as we think about our day and think about what’s happening in our day. Using inquiry could allow us to see how we are being, and that’s the point, as you’ve been making, about being present, about looking at what matters, what those connections are. Are we being authentically who we want to be? Yet if we are not checking in on that, then we are doing it, we are stuck reacting, being divisive, protecting, and trying to get to the job that doesn’t matter at the end of the day. How are we being? It’s because of how we are being and are we finding joy in that being? That’s everything. People see it. People run through brick walls for each other. They will do whatever it takes.
It’s interesting because your point around reflection and getting feedback, is key. I don’t know that we are always preparing ourselves to ask for direct feedback, but it is amazing how feedback comes to us in ways that we would have never imagined. When I was going through my transition, I had so many wonderful people that I hadn’t talked to or hadn’t done a lot of work with to reach out and say, “You have no idea the impact that you made for me and the company.”
I was like, “That’s what I’m talking about. I didn’t ask for that.” This unforeseen circumstance gave me an opportunity to get that reflection, to get that feedback from others, even when I didn’t ask. I kept all of those messages because I knew that at one point or another, I would need to go back to those messages to remind me of who I am, to remind me that what I want to be is reflecting and showing up for others and that is powerful.
I pull those things out on a regular basis. I’m like, “You did that. Your intentions match your impact,” and that’s so important. I intended to do X, Y, and Z, and the feedback has suggested that I did exactly that, if that wasn’t enough, I was in circumstances where I met some incredible people that I didn’t know before. Like you, Darrin. Like Julie Kras, I knew before. I did a podcast with her, but she showed up for me in different ways, and people have been showing up in ways that I could have never imagined. One, it has affirmed me. They have sent me position opportunities. They have sent me messages and said, “I’m checking in. We didn’t work together, but I need you to know that you made an impact. How are you?”
The universe is a wonderful thing. When you put goodness out in the universe, it comes back to you, and I’m telling you that the boomerang effect that we talked about is real, and that’s how I know that I have been able to be authentic because that authenticity is coming back to me. People are showing up for me in ways that I could have never imagined, and offering not saying, “How are you doing?” but “How are you doing and what can I do to help?” “Listen, Linda, this is what I’m talking about, and this is where your intentions match your impact, and that there are true opportunities to create a legacy as we go back to what’s important,” and I have been able to do that. I want to do more of that. I realize I’m going to do that when I can be who I am. Be at a place where people can accept that and be at a place where that can be rewarded and not smashed down for the good of fitting into any one particular place or another.
What a gift to hear the impact that you are making and how it’s lined up with how you want to be and the values that you are bringing out to the world. What a gift. It’s another idea for all of us as leaders too, or as human beings, to share with other people. How do we matter? It doesn’t have to be events where people might lose their roles or transition. That’s a good time to do it. We should do that this time of year. We should do that to start 2025. Show people how they matter to us.
Living Your Possible Through Alignment And Reflection
The other thing that you are talking about is listening, which is so important because you are listening to yourself. It sounds funny, yet you are being self-reflective and you are controlling your narrative. You are building your legacy by walking the talk. You are walking it. You are listening to it. You are observing what’s happening. It’s happening in the space. Even though it might be tiring at times, it’s rewarding and many other times expansive. I’m curious about what you think about the name of the show. It’s called Live Your Possible. What does that mean to you and what tips or ideas do you have for the reader to start on their journey to go live their possible too?
I love the title of the show and it’s one of those things that we have to keep in mind as we move through different stages of our journey. I start with what you ended with around being reflective. I don’t know that we can live our possible if we don’t sit back, take some quiet time to reflect, and understand what’s important to us. Living your possible for me means aligning intentions with impact. It means aligning everything that you bring to the table, passion, skills, and purpose, to do something that will make your life more fulfilling and make the lives of others even more fulfilling. Living your best way means being okay with the journey. It will be bumpy. There will be great times, but be open to the process. Possibility for me equals being open to the process. If we can’t be open, we’ll never get to possible.
Living your possible means aligning intentions with impact. Share on XThat space of possible will move every single day, and it should. Goals should change. What you wanted several years ago might be different than what you want next year, but the possible is always there, no matter where it is. It is a moving target and we must keep going, but at the end of the day, if you align your actions to have the impact that you want, then anything is possible. Go live it and be possible.
For everyone reading, the journey will not be the same as anybody else’s journey. The journey will not always be roses. I don’t care how many social media platforms people have where everything looks great, they are dealing with some stuff, so let’s try not to match our dreams to somebody else’s dream. Let’s have our own possible, be convicted of what the possibility is, and move towards that space.
I appreciate you, Nicole. I adore everything you are doing. I can’t wait to hear about the next chapter, and what’s ahead. I wish you the best to you and your family in 2025. I look forward to working with you. There’s a lot of possibilities ahead of us. Before we stop chatting here, is there anything else on the top of your mind? Anything else you wanted to share before we head our ways and go get ready for the holidays?
No. The only thing I will say is wishing everyone a wonderful holiday to remember and keep in mind what’s important. Doing, we’ll be doing, we’ll be doing, being is where it’s at and so how do we show up and be with those that we love and with ourselves? In that vein, be all that you can be for the holiday season and enjoy. Life is short. Let’s live it to the fullest.
Thank you, Nicole. Happy holidays.
Same to you.
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About Nicole Hughey
Nicole Hughey is an award-winning executive leader specializing in diversity, equity & inclusion, social impact, strategic planning and execution, organizational effectiveness, and cross cultural communication.
In her 25+ year career, Nicole has been a trusted leader and advocate for all. She has established and operationalized diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies across multiple industries including insurance, healthcare, and media entertainment impacting 110,000+ employees in companies including Travelers, Mass General Brigham, and SiriusXM.
In her most recent former role as Senior Vice President, Head of Diversity, Equity & Inclusion and Social Impact at SiriusXM, Nicole established and led SiriusXM’s DE&I strategy and the company’s very first philanthropic strategy. During her tenure, Nicole rolled out many integrated initiatives, including but not limited to, mentoring and leadership programs for underrepresented employees, employee engagement programs that promoted authentic conversations, a company-wide communications strategy to ensure employees were aware of and could participate in cultural-specific music, talk, sports, and podcast programming, and brokered a 10-year partnership with the National Museum of African American History & Culture.
Nicole is a frequent contributor on a variety of speaking engagements where she shares her knowledge and expertise with others. Nicole has been a guest speaker on several podcasts including Black Enterprise’s Class is in Session and Diversity Pivot Podcast and featured in articles including CoolstuffNYC. In Spring 2023, she was honored to be the University of Hartford’s Spring 2023 Undergraduate Commencement Speaker where she addressed more than 800 graduating students. Most recently, she has been recognized as a 2024 and 2023 Top 15 Chief Diversity Officer, Crain NY’s 2023 Top DE&I Leader, and a 2023 Most Influential Executives in Diversity & Inclusion by Savoy Magazine.
icole holds a B.S. in Business from the University of Connecticut, an MBA in Organizational Behavior from the University of Hartford, and an Executive Strategic Change Management Certificate from Northwestern’s Kellogg School of Management.
In addition to serving as the Chair of the Board for the Urban League of Greater Hartford, Nicole is a member of the Board of Visitors for the University of Hartford’s Barney School of Business, and a member of the Hartford Alumnae Chapter of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc.
